It's official, I'm moving

I've (finally!) decided how to blog after marriage. So, if you'd like to, please join me over at Life After Single.

I look forward to entertaining you there!

University Town

Is there anything in the world more entertaining that sitting in a diner listening to freshman Philosophy students debate if we really exist?

I don't think so.

Is this where the panic sets in?

Have I mentioned that I love my apartment? Well, I do. I moved in on Valentine's Day of 2008. Finding it was preceded by about 14 moves around Missoula trying to find the proper fit. When I walked into this one I loved it instantly and waited out about seven other college girls to schmooze the current resident into agreeing to give me the nod with the landlord. She did and it was love.

This Valentine's Day I'll be in the mountains of Arizona married for one day. And someone else will be living here. It's taken a long time for me to accept that but tonight I was a big girl and finally gave my landlord some notice. It feels really final to be giving this up but, at the same time, really good that I'll be able to pass the pad to someone I choose.

That's how the tradition works with my landlord. She lives on the other side of the country so each time the apartment passes hands the former tenant chooses the new one. When I moved in here Katie said to me, "You know, the last four women have each lived here about two years and moved out to be with their partners. We're dubbing this place 'The Last Bachelorette Pad'. You've been warned!" I scoffed openly and thanked her for the key.

She just smiled knowingly.

I have to say, it's not a bad feeling to pass that kind of luck on to another girl.

Giving thanks in my virtual chruch.

One of the most difficult things about working overnight shifts is that no matter how valiant I am in my efforts to remain awake or wake up for church on the Sabbath, it's nearly impossible for me. I would never make it as a medical resident.

It's so hard to write here about every change that has transpired in the last few weeks. I think we're going to go with a list:

*I'm engaged to the greatest guy I've had the pleasure of dating.

*We're getting married on February 13th, 2010.

*I'm moving to Utah.

*We bought a house.

*I'm quitting this job and going to hope for the best in the Utah market.

I can't quite express the fantastic dichotomy between the peace I feel about my decisions and the overwhelming anxiety that comes from such significant changes in such great quantity.

I can't believe my luck, to be honest. It's just astounding that so much that I have consistently desired has, without any warning, fallen into order. Astounding.

While it may not be a conventional expression of my appreciation, this song is the only one I can find that comes close to fitting my mood. Especially the baffled king.

If you wouldn't mind..

Today, in Washington DC, I have two friends I love dearly who are struggling. Both are quite protective of their privacy so I won't go into detail. They're on the verge of ultimate happiness and have encountered a speed bump the size of Ireland. I'm asking that each of you who read this send up a special prayer or thought for them. Of all the things I believe in, I believe in answers to prayers the most. And I know this will help.

If there was a way to blush in a headline, insert it here.

Mike's Mom reads the blog.

Oh yes. Yes, she does. Good heavens, the things I've said here! Happily, a quick (and by quick I mean a very through review of every word) skim of my former posts makes me glad I started a new blog! Far fewer manifestos on, say, make-out. Which, of course, I have never, ever done.

Ever.

But I shall not blog about that (Hi, Marcine!).

I'm going to gush a bit. And you're going to have to deal with it. Tonight I was talking to Mike, as usual (we talk, like, every moment we can), and we were discussing money. Yes, money. We talk about stuff like that. And how we manage it. And I didn't freak out!

To give you some background here, I'm not great with money left to my own devices. I'm not like heroin-addict bad but I'm not good. I am, however, worlds better and getting better (which I am so proud of) every year. But when it comes to talking about it, I have an instant reaction of extreme anxiety. Probably because every time I have to vocalize about it it's been to ask for help or receive some scolding. It's been years since that's actually happened (the scolding, that is, the help part played into my last, jobless year very much) but it's still a topic I can't even broach with my Mom. And that's saying something.

Something about Mike, however, leads me to believe that whatever I throw at him he'll just react rationally, calmly and it will all be fine.* It's truly astounding! When I discuss funds with him I still go to a '2' on the anxiety scale but it's about eight points less that usual. And that's just...astounding. He knows about my financial behaviors of the past, we share our present and we plan for what the future may hold. It's so nice! And it's a financial discussion!

If you had asked me four months ago if I'd be here today, blogging this, I would have laughed you out of my apartment. There is something so basic about the calm Mike gives me, so stable about our connection, that I can't imagine that I ever existed before it. It's both scary and the greatest feeling I've ever felt. And, I tell you what, it's something I'd get a little gushy (even on my blog or--astoundingly--in real life) about so that everyone (Hi Marcine!) has a chance to know how I feel.

Icky? Yes. But so true.



*That is not to say he's always a Zen master. That man can be ...um...passionate about things like, say, idiot drivers or just stupidity in general. But, let's face it, I couldn't live with bland. I'd go nutso.

Back from fishing.

I have so many excuses about why I don't blog regularly. Mostly they're crap. But they feel so valid! For instance, that every weekend since I met TheBoyfriend has been spent either on the road or with a guest. Then the days we're not together, I'm working.*

And the other usual clean/shop/bills junk. But that's all a non-issue. It's mostly the I-don't-want-to-move-or-stop-this-conversation moments that are killing me.

I swear, if I didn't love that man so much it would be way more efficient to just break up with him. Alas, not going to happen. In fact, quite the opposite. We've decided that, come the end of January, I'm going to relocate to Utah in order to further our relationship. 8 hour drives after 12 hour graveyard shifts is fun, I won't lie. But it may be nicer to have a bit more 'normal' in our relationship.

But then, who am I kidding? :)

I can't help, realizing that I will only be in my dear apartment a few more ...weeks, really, wanting to be here as much as I can. I love Montana, this apartment and my life here. It's such a beautiful place--ethereal and physical--that I almost can't fathom living elsewhere. In fact, I planned my life here I never would. But this new adventure is too compelling. I must follow my heart and right now that's going to mean Utah.

So! There it is. The blog of excuses and pleasant exhaustion. Now, after my first day off at home in eons, I'm going to fall into my clean bed in my clean house and just rest for the upcoming upheaval.




*Not that he's not, he is. He just has a normal schedule compared to my 3-4-4-3 of 12 hours--madness! But I do love that schedule.